The frustration continues….
Being around all those fabulously fit people yesterday, inspired and frustrated me at the same time. On the one hand, I walked away from that race pumped and excited and wanting to continue on and work to get in shape. On the other hand, it fueled that old frustration in my mind of “what is wrong with me, why can I not just control the crap that I shovel in my mouth”. To be able to do what I did yesterday, at nearly 200lbs, I obviously have some athletic genes/ability within me. It is just the whole food issue and my lack of control in that area that killed me. It is so darn frustrating. All of the information I know, the books, magazines, websites, etc., etc.,etc. I have read about food and nutrition, I don’t need anymore of it. I probably have educated myself far more on that subject than most of the other people that were running yesterday, yet there I am the heaviest runner out there, why???
After thinking over these things this morning, and also reading an article in the newspaper about a recovering alcoholic, I really believe what I need most is to get back to going to weight watchers. Everytime I read about alcoholics, I think of how my problems with eating parallel what they talk about, except food replaces the alcohol for me. This particular article the woman had been sober for 6 years, but she still continues to go to AA once or twice per week. Last year when I was going to weight watchers regularly is when I lost the most weight. I think I need that weekly accountability once again, and the support and encouragement for other people that are struggling the same. I remember last year when I was going regularly, I said, I will probably have to do this for the rest of my life. It is probably true, but my work schedule this year prevented me from making the meetings. I must get back into the routine. A part of me doesn’t want to do this, because I feel it is stupid to have to pay for this, when I know all the information, but obviously that is not enough. Plus, if I meet my goal and stay there….I become a lifetime member and don’t have to pay for the meetings anymore. That would be cool, and is a goal of mine.
Once again, I want to be healthy and fit.
WOW! where to start?
First and foremost, Congratulations for finishing the race. Like you said, if it would have been in a larger race, you would not have been last.
Secondly, there is no shame in finishing last. I was thinking the entire time I was reading your “Beating yourself up blog, ”
…but you did it,… you DID IT!!”.
Everyone one of those people NOT running were probably very envious of you …not only entering the race, but actually finishing it! It’s hard enough to walk an entire 1/2 marathon, little alone run/walk.
You may not have finished in fashion you would have liked to, but make no mistake, it is something to be proud of..
as far as eating, AA, etc..
What can a person say? It is so much more than a physical issue and anyone who is prone to an addictive tendency is even more likely to have a great battle on their hands.
Addicts are addicts… that’s why so many times drug/alchohol addicts become so fanatical about something else, such as exercise, music, FOOD.. ANYTHING! An addictive personality never truly disappears, it just realigns its direction. With that being said, I’d love to take this addictive gene and slam it full speed ahead on a gym somewhere, but that’s easier said than done
Congrats again, I in NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM think you have anything to be embarrassed or disappointed about. The completion of the 1/2 marathon (run, walk, or run/walk) puts you in small company. The rest of us talk about conquering challenges, but you went out an did it!
Yes I agree that you should not beat yourself up, but, metaphorically speaking (or literally if you want), pat yourself on the back!
Also, if you go to the weighwatcher meetings and that gets you motivated and keeps you going, then the money you will spend is well worth it! Nothing wrong with that! I, too, used to wonder why it was that even though my diet “smarts” were greater than all those skinny girls out there that I would continue to be bigger than them and would not apply my knowledge.
What I have realized with weight (and many other things in life) is that knowledge is great, but in the end the people who go and do what they are supposed to, who have the discipline – those are the people who succeed. It doesn’t matter if their knowledge base is 1/10th of what mine is. The person who works the hardest and has the most discipline is going to be the most successful.
Obviously, to keep up with the crazy schedule you do, you must have some discipline. I might have a little bit of it myself (not much!) and maybe Eric has some too lol. With us, I think our problem is just harnessing that discipline… but I know we are capable!
So anyway, I have been rambling on, but again, it is really impressive that you completed your half marathon and I know what you are saying about the frustration, but we can overcome that
Thank you both for the encouraging words. I know it is true, but I just feel bad that I didn’t complete my training with much ambition. That is what is most frustrating. I know to most people what I did would seem like a lot, but everything in life is relative. When all I had to compare myself to was all the other “in shape”, obviously more discipline people there than I, it was somewhat depressing. So yes, I do swing from one thought process to the other. At times, I feel good about it and other I don’t. Oh well, I just need to use it as a learning experience and I think I am ready to try again.